Let's play before and after

Well, considering my post yesterday was a bit heavy, I thought I'd try to go a little lighter today. People did not seem to like the not-as-fun posting, but guys remember: Cancer is not all fun and games. There are one or two downers about it. However, my philosophy is that it is too easy to get bogged down in the negative so we need to highlight the positive. Well, maybe "positive" is a bit of a stretch, but we can at least work on finding the humor (either intentional or un-), and that is my specialty.

I have been thinking about some of the differences before the cancer, surgery, treatments, etc. Of course this is a very long list of things and cannot be encompassed in just one segment, so I'm sure I'll be adding subsequent posts later that detail more that I can't quite remember right at this moment.

My first are things I used to like before chemo that make me want to vomit now. I had spoken to other chemo patients who had told me all about how they loved certain things and afterward couldn't stand them. I really took no notice of this because I guess you never really understand until you experience for yourself, I suppose. My doctor told me that I needed to drink like 3 gallons or liters or troughs of fluid each day because the chemotherapy dehydrates so much. He also said that drinking gatorade or powerade were better to drink than just water because the sport drinks don't go through you as quickly (all the salt and electrolytes and magic and whatnot). So we loaded up on all kinds of sporty drinks for my consumption. A relative even got her company to donate a ton of gatorade to me (which was excellent). Among the gatorade that they sent me, it was heavy on the "Orange" and "Fruit Punch" as well as a new flavor that was some sort of clear (yes, clear) "Strawberry". I was super excited about all of this and began the guzzling.

However, as time passed I started to learn of the accuracy of those other patients' statements. After a few months of those flavors every day, I started to get the usual tired of them, like you would after drinking anything consistently for weeks. Then after all the chemo I didn't drink gatorade for a long time but the next time that I picked up a "Fruit Punch" gatorade and took a drink it took everything in my power not to spew it everywhere. Turns out, the same was true for "Orange", and to be honest, just thinking about that clear strawberry-flavored stuff makes me sick just thinking about it. Luckily I still enjoy their Lemon-Lime and Grape flavors since I am still supposed to be on the juice to keep my hydration up. But that's right, I am nauseas writing about it, but I do it for you. You're welcome.

Also in the used-to-love-it-but-now-it-makes-me-want-to-throw-up-everything-I've-eaten-in-the-past-week category is my formerly beloved Diet Coke. Before treatment I think I was single-handedly responsible for one-third of the salaries at Coca Cola, Inc. thanks to my insatiable need for and obsession with Diet Coke. When I started treatment and couldn't do the caffeine anymore I even switched to the caffeine-free Diet Coke so I could still continue my love affair in the face of this adversity. However for the past 8 or so years, thinking about that flavor makes my stomach turn. Unfortunately for me, my family's adoration of Diet Coke has continued and I have, on more than one occasion, picked up the wrong cup and upon taking a sip have been flooded with the feeling that I immediately needed to empty the contents of my mouth or worse things would be coming up. So sadly, I had to part ways with my old best friend, la coca dieta.


Also on the list of differences is how much sillier I look in public (and at home). See, as I've mentioned, I have a lot of numbness around my scar area. Also, I've never necessarily been the world's neatest eater. So, you might see where I'm going with this.
Before I could eat whatever and only really had to worry about getting stuff on my shirt, etc.
After I frequently hear, "Hey you've got something all over your face"
And needless to say I greatly appreciate when people clue me in to how shlubbish (new word) I look because I don't enjoy looking like I can't properly feed myself. However it is pretty embarrassing, especially with people who don't know me extremely well and I'm sure are having the internal battle of,

"Oh gosh, there's ketchup alllll over her face. What do I do? Do I tell her? Do I pretend that I don't see it? I mean it all smeared all over her chin! I can't let her walk around like that....can I? I mean, she'll be so embarrassed if she goes around looking like that. But this is awkward. Errrrr."

Yeah, that's right, I can see the struggle on their faces and that usually clues me in to grab a napkin or beach towel, depending on the magnitude of the situation, and clean myself up. I will admit that, with people who do know me, I tend to jump a bit on the defensive and stutter out, "I c-can't help it! I can't feel it!!!" To which my sisters like to respond, "On your forehead?" Busted. In those situations I have no excuse for my slobbery (another new word) but for the most part (I claim) I only have the messy issues from the mouth down. Okay quit judging me. At least I no longer wear a plastic poncho to keep from staining my shirts (alright, I never did that, but what if I did??).

So in conclusion for today, I guess I am pickier, droolier, and messier perhaps than I was before. Although I guess I can't really blame that all on the cancer :)