Let's recount some really great words of wisdom

I think, as a cancer patient, you are somehow a magnet for advice, guidance, people who need to get things off their chests, and so on. As if it's not hard enough having cancer, but you then also get to be bombarded by everyone's personal woes, fears, and anything they happened to have read in the newspaper, internet, facebook about general cancer information. Not that their concern is unappreciated--by no means; it definitely is! However it can get a bit tiresome feeling like you are the poster child of cancer.

When I was discussing my new venture (--this) with my mother last night she told me she had something for me. She said she had kept every single email she received about me from the time I was first diagnosed, printed them out, and had them in a special folder. My first thought was, "Crap. That is unexpected." I'm really glad she has them, and one day I will enjoy or experience, at least, sitting down and reading them all. Today is not that day. While I have healed immeasurably, I am not ready for that undertaking just yet. But it's all part of the process, which is something I've learned. It's not like a "one day you have cancer and you are upset" and then "you don't have cancer and you are dramatically healed both physically and emotionally". I wanted it to be that. I tried to force life to be that. But it wasn't. Anyway, that is also a tale for a different post.

Back to this subject: my parents and I had this running joke while I was going through everything, and that was, "Everyone's got a story." It sounds harsh I suppose, but it is true! As I said earlier, having cancer (or any type of somewhat common chronic ailment maybe) immediately makes you a flashing target for people to share anything they know or think they know about cancer. If I could count all of the people who told me about the "somebody's somebody's cousin's sister's neighbor's best friend" who had some kind of something (they are almost positive it was cancer) and had some kind of treatment (they are almost sure it was cancer treatment) then... maybe I would have done better in my Cal I class in college. Point being, that people like to share.
Even when you don't particularly want to share.
Even when you really are not up for their sharing.
Even when you feel like crap, want to go get in your bed, are trying to do the polite head nodding and "mmhmm'ing" as you grind your teeth and really wish a hole would open in the floor and swallow them and their bizarre stories up in one heaving gulp.

Okay maybe that last one was just me. But, I think others out there might know a bit of what I'm talking about. It got to the point where, when I was just sitting with a friend, relative, acquaintance, etc. the conversation became:
Them: "You know so-and-so just found out he/she may/may not have some kind of cancer."
Me: "Ah. Well...." (because what do I say to that???)
My thoughts: "Oh!!! Well give me their address so I can call up the others, grab some candles and we can get to their house tonight to initiate them into our club." (meaning our cancer club)

That, also, sounds very harsh. But those were just some of my ponderings during this time when I certainly didn't want to share, yet everyone around me did. Here are some of my favorite conversations gone awry:

As I started losing my hair in clumps and was very freaked out (being 16 and pretty wrapped up/insecure about my personal appearance anyway):
Me: Um, my hair is falling out in pretty big clumps, is that supposed to happen?
Nurse: Well, it doesn't usually happen, but I guess it can.
Me: Um. Oh.
Nurse (extremely enthusiastically and encouraging): But hey! It will grow back! One time I had a patient who had thick, straight, dark hair and she lost it all and when it grew back it was like red/orange and all kinky!
My thoughts: WHAT??? Is that supposed to be a "good" story??? That is awful! Is my hair going to do that? What if half of it grows back normally and the other half is kinked out orange??? How is this a helpful conversation?!?!

Another gem of a chat, this time with my dentist (he really is a great dentist). He had cleft lip when he was born and had been through several surgeries of his own so he felt he could relate pretty well to my situation, the sensitivity, the scarred and sore areas:

Dentist: I know it's tough right now, having been through so much.
Me: Yes...
Dentist: All the surgery is overwhelming and then you are sore while you recover.
Me: Mmm hmm...
Dentist: And getting used to the scars is always difficult.
Me: Yea---wait.
Dentist: And you probably think that you're never going to find anyone who loves you because you're so self-conscious about your appearance now that you look different.
Me:
My thoughts: What??? NO, actually I wasn't thinking that. Until now! Oh my gosh, how bad is it? I thought it wasn't that bad but apparently my huge disfiguring scars have turned me into a modern day Beast (a la Beauty and the). Awesome, I've always wanted a complex.

Lady at my high school talking to my mother:

Lady: We are so glad that Casey is doing so well.
Mom: I know, we are just so thankful.
Lady: We've all been so worried, she's lost so much weight.
(At this point let me interject that the weight loss factor was one of the only things I didn't mind about all of this. Cancer was the best diet.)
Mom: Yes, she has lost a lot of weight. The doctors said that might happen, especially at first.
Lady: Mmhmm. Well, you might just want to tell her to avoid wearing necklaces or some kinds of necklines or anything that calls attention to her sickly thin neck.

Okay... dropping like 20 pounds is the only thing I had in the "plus" column here. And now that is being canceled out by implications, or rather outright statements, that once again I am unsightly? I know she somehow meant well, but once again... Oof.

These are some of my favorite misguided conversations. As I think of more I'll add them. It's lucky for everyone involved that I have a good sense of humor, or else they might have experienced some unpleasant scathing comments that I would have gladly blamed on some random chemo side effect. Hey, they don't know!