Doesn't that look wonderful? It was. Sushi, om nom nom.
Okay, now to today. I have an important presentation today for my epidemiology class. We designed a study about oral/pharyngeal cancer and its potential association with alcohol-based mouthwashes. Sorry, that was for the few of you who might think that is interesting. And thank you, Heather and Staci, for the ideas. Anyway, presentation is at 3:00pm. I was babysitting for a sweet, adorable, amazingly precocious little 2 year old from 9:30-2:15. Plenty of time to get to school and load my slides... I had it all figured out. So this morning I got ready and put on my go-to presenting outfit before going to babysit.
When I got to their house I found out poor baby girl had a fever but she seemed in good spirits. No other symptoms so maybe just some random fevery (new word for today) bug or something. We had a good time watching some "Go, Diego, Go!" and reading a couple of little animal books. Pretty nice little Wednesday. Then, I smelled that disctinct odor of "time for a diaper change". We took care of that and then back to the adventures de Diego. Sweet little thing climbed up in my lap and actually just conked out, sleeping in my lap for about 45 minutes or so. I kept watching Diego rescue all kinds of animales while she slept. In addition to not being so mechanically-inclined, I'm also not so technologically-inclined and trying to work the impressive dvd/tv/stereo combination at their house has led me down unfortunate roads before.
So I'm just chillaxing watching the Nick, Jr. when I start to smell that oh-so-distinctive smell again. I thoughtm "Man, maybe she is starting to have some other symptoms after all." I picked her up and went upstairs to do another quick-change. Okay if you have weak constitutions you might want to stop reading here. Just a forewarning.
As I started to change her I realized she had, more or less, an impressive puddle in her diaper. Like the kind that you might experience after a night of spicy Mexican food. I'm a veteran babysitter, though. Plus I worked in a hospital for 2 years changing adult diapers and doing all kinds of gross clean up. So I wasn't fazed. I bravely took a deep breath and proceeded with the clean up. But it was then that I realized that this particular...emission was so...not solid...that it had leaked out the sides of this unreliable diaper as well as considerably out the top of the back of it. Wow. Now I was really impressed. I will spare you the creative Paint drawing I am envisionaing right now.
So this was going to be a little more in-depth of a clean-up than I had planned. But still, I promise you I have seen and cleaned up much worse. Unfortunately for baby girl I had to do some serious clean up with wipes and all: legs, sides, back, not to mention that whole region. But she handled it like a champ even though I knew she was miserable. And lo and behold it was all over her clothes, too! I'm thinking, "Geez, what kind of spicy curry has she been into?" But I found another cute outfit for her and we were back in business. She was obviously still feeling awful so I put her in her crib so she could continue her nap that I had so rudely interrupted.
I went to get the dirty clothes and clean up the array of wipes and diaper mess that had spawned on the changing table and I was thinking, "Man, it still is quite potent" when I glanced down. Much to my shock and dismay, baby girl's leakage had extended also down the front of my dress and along one of my (white) sleeves. Now let's consider the facts:
1. She had no symptoms until I took the reigns
2. I was, for one day, wearing nice dress clothes
3. Still have that presentation at 3:00pm
Really, universe? Really?
So my mind started to race. What. Do. I. Do. Presentation is in hour and one-half. I could call her mom and ask her to come back early but she had to pick her other daughter up at 2 and I didn't want to have to wake up poor, sick baby girl. Okay, plan A:
I grabbed the wipes, and headed to the bathroom to start the emergency clean-up process. Wipes, soap and water, gentle scrubbing.
Okay, the...emission...is no longer visible- Win. However I can still smell it. Not exactly what I was going for. Okay, plan B:
Laundry room cabinet is thankfully stocked with Febreze and there is Lysol disinfectant on the changing table. I start a-spraying. Alright, not my best idea. I now smell like curdled milk-baby diarrhea-Lysol-"Gentle Breeze" or something. Okay, plan C.
Frantic text to baby girl's mommy, explaining the situation. She's the sweetest woman ever and immediately called to try to help me out. She said she'd head home then go get her other daughter (baby girl had to get up for the doctor anyway) so I agreed with a somewhat-less-guilty conscience. I woke up the poor dear and found some shoes and socks. Mommy came home and I tried to reassure it really wasn't a big deal (I mean it; I know you're reading this!) then I raced out to try to get home for my own quick change. Unfortunately it hit me that I still had to print out our survey draft, my notes, and upload the slides. Ugghhhhh. My one hour window has suddenly vanished and I have to high-tail it to school.
So here I am, waiting to present for this big epidemiology class. Not exactly the pristine vision of professionalism I was this morning. More of a flushed, smelling like baby diarrhea/disinfectant/"Clean Laundry" or something mess. But no matter! I just won't get near enough to anyone that they can smell me. Foolproof. As long as I don't throw up from smelling myself.
What am I talking about? I've got this. I'm a rock. I had cancer for Pete's sake! I can handle a little "get-up-in-front-of-your-peers-present-a-semester's-worth-of-work-that-I'm-not-totally-sure-about-while-smelling-like-a-poorly-managed-petting-zoo" business. Okay, maybe not. But hey, I ain't scared (that would be a phrase meant in humor; I don't really use the word "ain't"). Here we go. Wish me luck! Game on.
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