As I had hoped (although I know I sounded very melacholy last night when I updated you), today has proven to be a better day. We went to the oncologist this morning and it seemed very smooth. I hadn't gained any weight since last year (that's just a bonus, for me). The doctor actually spent a decent amount of time with us. He said he had looked over the films from the emergency room and he had reviewed all of my films from the past 8 years. Based on all of this he feels confident that the cyst on my liver is just a simple, common hemangioma. The emergency room report showed that it is more blood-filled than fluid-filled, and these cysts occur fairly frequently, they don't cause any problems, you don't have to do anything about them, and many people can go for decades and never even know they exist. I greatly appreciated him taking the time to go through all of this with us, as he actually did try to thoroughly explain everything and his thoughts, etc.

Now, do I think he would have been so thorough and time-intensive if the debacle of yesterday had not occurred? Truthfully, no I don't think he would have been. Today was atypical of our usual visits, and miles apart from yesterday where we were basically told to get over it. I think it is difficult at times for some doctors to consider the perspective of the patient. I may be one of his 500 patients, but I am my family, friends, and loved one's only Casey. We can't read his mind and know the facts and statistics that he knows to reassure ourselves. We are at the mercy of those who know more than we do, and should be treated with decency and respect as such. Sometimes I think that it would be better if the doctors who treat for certain things had actually experienced the disease for themselves. It is a drastically different situation depending on which side of the desk you are sitting on. Desensitization is normal, of course, and they must do this to an extent, but desensitizing should not be the same as dehumanizing. Compassion and understanding should always be valued, regardless of how skilled you are at your profession, or how many studies you have read, etc. What good is being in remission or "well" if you live in fear of what might happen?

I have many more thoughts about this, and I'll get to them sometime in the near future. I think that is enough for today, though. To be certain that this is nothing more than a silly cyst the doctor scheduled me for an abdominal CT scan with IV contrast for tomorrow. That will hopefully give us a great picture of the nothing so I can rest assured for a long, long time. In the mean time I am going to spend the rest of this rainy day getting ready for a course presentation I have tonight, and trying to start putting together some study materials for finals (uuggghhhhh). I think I'd rather do all the yuck testing than study and take finals, but lucky for me, I get to do both! Wait...that's not lucky, is it? Keep me in your thoughts, and I'll update you as soon as possible.

C