I have so much to say and so many thoughts swirling in my head that it is making it rather difficult to compose a sensical post for today. I suppose I shall start toward the beginning and work my way to now. Over Thanksgiving I started feeling as if I had kidney infection symptoms. I called my doctor who called in some medicine for me. However that same day (Saturday) the pain was just getting progressively worse and intense. So Patrick convinced me we needed to go to the hospital. In the emergency room they ran several tests and informed me that I did have a kidney/bladder infection. Also, they found a 2 centimeter lesion on my liver, most likely a cyst. However if you have had cancer (especially rare cancer) you never want to hear that there is a growth somewhere on or in you. Sure it is most likely just a fluid-filled cyst. But what if it's not?

So the doctor from the emergency room told me to follow-up with my oncologist today about it all. Since I am due for a check-up anyway, it was pretty good timing. But when we showed up at the oncologist's this morning we received a less-than-warm welcome. The receptionist tried to brush us off to the nurse, and the nurse tried to brush us off altogether. They wouldn't even listen to what we were saying. The nurse was just focused on, "You need to get your chest x-ray" and the receptionist was focused on, "You don't have an appointment this morning". No, I did not have an appointment. Because oddly enough their office is closed at midnight on Saturdays and thus I was unable to make an appointment. The really insulting part was that they kept insisting the doctor had a full clinic today (which I'm sure he probably did); however, the waiting room was completely empty. Just us. Also, we could actually see the doctor through the pane of glass by the door. He was standing at the counter talking and laughing with the nurses about Black Friday shopping and the Iron Bowl. Yeah, he was totally swamped at that moment. I can see why he couldn't possibly take a break from his watercooler chatter to tell us (in five minutes or less) how we should proceed. Or at least reassure us, or anything.

So the situation got so ridiculous that finally my mother just walked over and opened the door to the clinic rooms (also completely deserted) to speak with the doctor. The nurse begins shouting, "Ma'am! Ma'am!" but my mom was determined. However the doctor said we needed talk to the nurse so she could get some more information about the situation. The nurse was not interested in anything but, "You need to go get your chest x-ray". I am still trying to figure out how my chest x-ray was going to provide insight to the cyst on my liver. So in short, the doctor was abrupt, rude, and seemingly could not have cared less. We have an appointment for tomorrow morning. I spent all day getting labs and x-rays and chasing down medical records and my CT films from the emergency room visit. Is it going to matter? Probably not. I lost a lot of faith in my doctor today and gained a lot of resentment for his indifference and dismissal. We were told to follow-up with him. We tried to do that and were treated like dramatic, over-reacting children.

I don't know what we are going to do from here. We'll meet with him in the morning. He'll tell us we are concerned over nothing (without properly checking to be certain). We'll leave unreassured and still worried, and I guess we'll go from there. I honestly don't think this cyst is anything more than just a cyst. However, I would really appreciate some respect and decency from someone who I have literally trusted with my life. The way I was treated today made me feel completely unimportant, insignificant, and alone. I hope tomorrow will bring better news and a better outlook on everything.