Preparing for the New Year

So I have noticed that I am not good at relaxing. And by "not good", I mean really, really horrible. After much reflection on the matter I have come to think that I am so conditioned to stress and overworking myself that it has actually become something I depend on. Over the past week or so since I have had a little break from school I have found myself going a bit stir-crazy. It is very strange not to carry a mountain of books with me at all times and to use every spare minute squeezing in a couple of pages of reading. Everyone keeps telling me, "Just take it easy, relax, enjoy your break because before you know it you will be back in the hullabaloo of normal life." While this advice is completely logical and makes perfect sense to me, I still experience a hard time trying to follow it. Further confirming my suspicions that I will be terrible at retirement. Although I think I'm supposed to have a real job and whatnot before I can think about retiring...

Anyway, in my attempt to not lose my mind from boredom, I have begun thinking about the new year and what it might bring. I've never been particularly fond of "New Year's Resolutions", perhaps because I have never been able to keep one. I think the idea of a big resolution like that puts a lot of pressure on you, and if by the next year you haven't been able to keep it or do it or whatever you feel really guilty and horrible about yourself (and your lack of willpower, discipline, self-control, etc.). I might be personalizing a little bit there.

Anyway, instead of making a list of defined resolutions, which are very black and white (you did this or you didn't do it), I have decided that instead I will draft up just some goals for self-improvement. The thing about the "goals" route is that it allows me to pursue some things that I'd like to do in my life, but these things (and I think this is the case for many people) are not items that I can cross off like a to-do list. They are ongoing processes that require persistence and dedication. Some of these goals are a bit personal (although that's silly really considering how much personalness I have shared with you [whether you wanted me to or not...]). I have the standard ones that are on most people's lists:

1. Get back to exercising regularly (not in random spurts where I do it every day for a month then take 2 months off...not that I've done that)
2. Eat better. And by "better" I really mean to mostly stop eating the pure crap I usually eat since I'm constantly rushing, and perhaps to reintroduce regular servings of fruits and vegetables to my body.
3. Save money. Always easier said than done, but there is no reason why I shouldn't be putting money aside every month (I have many excuses, but no actual reasons).
4. Personal...

And then I have some that may not be on other's lists (but perhaps should be):

5. Be more positive, optimistic, and make my life into what I would like it to be. I'm not kicking the bitterly dry humor, though. Don't worry.
6. Reconnect and keep in touch with old friends and loved ones that I have no excuse to not be regularly in touch with.
7. Continue to work my (hopefully in the near future toned) backside off with all my responsibilities of school, work, and the impending doom of primary comps (okay, yes that did seem a little negative, breaking #5, but baby steps, right?).
8. Keep my life (and everything in it) organized. I have already begun this process by clearing out a large majority of my closet and stuff last night... I really don't want to end up on a reality-televised show about the disaster I live in. And as I get busier, the more my living space tends to look like a warped episode of Hoarders.
9. Learn to play the piano.
10. Appreciate life and the people in mine and my countless blessings to the fullest.

I'm looking at these goals (not in a particular order) as hopefully guidelines that will help me throughout the year. And now that I have them documented (and with witnesses, no less), perhaps I will be more mindful of them even after the holidays. Hopefully when I face a struggle or feel difficulties coming on I will remember to refer back to the list to give me some perspective. The next big challenge I foresee is my follow-up on January 11th for the mysterious new friend in my liver. After those tests I will meet with the oncologist on the 13th to discuss it. While I think it is nothing (just a bit of a nuisance), there is always that concern and stress in the back of our minds. So when and if those concerns become a bit overwhelming I will try to channel my new year ambitions and maintain positivity and faith. I'll keep you posted on how my zen state of mind works...

C